i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
