I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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