Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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