I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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