I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize