oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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