you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
