I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
3pm strippers are depressing
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
