I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
