apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I deserve this hangover.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
