halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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