I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I party with great urgency now.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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