I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hello my rib-scented angel!
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
where are my eyebrows?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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