We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
