do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
