You're completely useless in the revolution.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
