having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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