I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
