The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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