You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
