Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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