you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
