I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we should paint friendship bongs
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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