I think my vagina is haunted
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
