i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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