Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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