apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
