why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Is Oprah even human
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
