Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
