Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
