Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
