Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
