Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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