I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
