New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
