we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I will pee on everything he values.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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