Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
