Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
