Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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