All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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