Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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