He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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