I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
