It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
