cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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