Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
