Yo dont text me then not text me
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
