The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
