Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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