So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
