I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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