he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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