Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize