I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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