he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
