my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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