I must be too annoying 4 u.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
