he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
