You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
