I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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