Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
