She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
