its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
