She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I would fuck him just for his dog
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
