you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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