Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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