So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
