At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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