a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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