The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
