sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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