If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize