she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Randomize
